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Saturday, March 3, 2012

ScarJo Naked? There is a God.

Yeah, and that god ain't me.
So, I read this article online about a new film starring Scarlett Johansson as Janet Leigh in a movie called "Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho," a drama (not a remake). Apparently, the selling point is that she's going to reenact the nude shower scene from the original. Whatever.

I looked at the comments on the site where the story was published. 97% of the comments were from guys who could only talk about how naked she might be. "If she's going full nude, it's worth the price of a movie ticket." Really? Really really? Are American guys so out of touch with humanity that they're willing to pay $12 to briefly ogle a movie star's breasts - regardless of the talent of the writer of the script, the talent of the director, and the acting abilities of the lady in question? Really really?

Those comments were made on the internet. There are literally millions of attractive naked women on the internet. Most of them are doing whatever debauched desires that these guys may have. And the best part is, these "films" are free!

Ms. Johansson is a relatively good actress and she's not attempting titillation in this film, she's working on her craft (hopefully). Perhaps there will be a glimpse of her nipples. Why do so many men only see that as the axis of the hard work that a couple hundred people put into making a film? Guys, pay attention to the end credits of a movie. Count the names as they scroll by. All of those folks had a hand in making the images and sounds that you take in. Do you think for a nanosecond, that those people assembled for the sole purpose of getting Scarlett J to take her top off for you?

Have I just gotten old? Have I fallen off the "man track"? Has my testosterone level dropped radically and left me in macho limbo?

Monday, February 20, 2012

So, Yeah, I Think I'm Back - Hopefully

I don't have a "thing" for Jennifer Aniston, like most men/adolescent guys in America - or the known World. Nevertheless, I had a warm, loving, sensual dream about her last night. One of those sitting-on-my-lap-kissing-beside-a-beautiful-isolated-lazy river kind of things. More passionate and soft than reality can ever hope to be. Dreams are what they are.

All day today, it reminded me that I have a real-live actual partner to appreciate and understand. The best thing about her is that she's there whether I'm asleep or awake. Besides, I prefer her over the lovely/cute and wealthy ex-miss Pitt. I have someone better.

Lucky me.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Woman of My Dreams

Yes. Natasha Fatale. How could I not love her?

For some inane reason, I was thinking Rocky and Bullwinkle today. They were a staple of my childhood and since I'm almost grown now, I thought I'd Google them to find out the deep nonsense that they're made of. Well, I only read Natasha's bio. After "knowing" her better, I didn't really care about the rest of the R&B crew. Here are her stats. Really!

Natasha is a spy for the fictional nation of Pottsylvania, and takes orders from the nation's leader, Fearless Leader (and occasionally the rarely-seen Mr. Big). Natasha usually serves as an assistant or accomplice to her fellow spy, Boris Badenov. Like Boris, Natasha also delights in performing various criminal misdeeds. She seems to be a bit more intelligent, or at least more thoughtful, than Boris, and often points out flaws in his plans or voices slight contempt for his bungling, to which his customary reply was "Sharrup you mouth, Natasha." Also, Natasha does say "SHARRUP YOUR MOUTH!!!!" to Boris in one episode, as their car goes over a cliff in The Treasure of Monte Zoom.

Her past is something of a mystery. According to the Rialto Theater's Moosebill for Downhill: The Musical (the table of contents for Rocky and Bullwinkle & Friends, The Third Season), she is the only child of Axis Sally and Count Dracula. A former Miss Transylvania, she was expelled from college for subversive activities. She traveled from Transylvania to the United States at the age of 19, landing in New York, where she spent two years posing for Charles Addams and as the party girl who pops out of the big cake at embalmers' stag parties.

She met Boris Badenov in 1948, when they were both arrested for throwing rocks at Girl Scouts hawking Girl Scout Cookies. Immediately smitten with her charms, she and Boris have been partners in crime ever since.

In her spare time, Natasha raises tarantulas and is the National Chairman of the Society to Restore The Real Meaning of Halloween.

Usually, Natasha's and Boris's misdeeds are thwarted by Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose. She refers to them collectively as "Moose and Squirrel."

Natasha is almost always shown in a purple dress, but in the last season it is often red.

Catchphrases -

Natasha's main catchphrase is referring to everyone as "dollink" — that is, "darling" as spoken with her thick Pottsylvanian accent (a mock-Russian accent) — an homage to actress-socialite Zsa Zsa Gaborand her habit of calling everyone "darling" (or in her Hungarian accent, "dahlink").

She was originally known as "Natasha Nogoodnik".

Okay, so she modeled for Charles Addams and she's the only child of Dracula? We were made for each other!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Chaotic Posting Schedule

I know, I'm here - I'm not - I'm unreliable. I'm in a cocoon period. Sharing my weekly exploits seems to bite me in the ass, so I'm waiting for something solid to happen. I'm expecting some kind of slow down/relatively docile period soon. I've been here and there, up and down, Bed & Breakfast and not. Incredibly uncontrolled year.

Once again, I feel like I'm making a bold move and moving toward...something comfortable and real. I'm doing everything in my limited power to buy a house with my "girlfriend." She's actually waaaay more than that. Besides, I'm over 50 now, "girlfriend" isn't a word I should be allowed to use anymore. We want this house almost as much as we want Canada and the US to erase those imaginary lines and become one (taking the best ideas from both countries and blending together seamlessly). Americanada? Canaderica?

So far, it ain't easy. Realtors, owners, lenders, a mishmosh of dumb shit stands in the way. I am not deterred. I am focused on making everyone involved ONE with me. There is a point where all parties converge. I am steering toward that point.

My next dining room?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


We are fantastic and amazing and wonderful. Yet, we still have not learned that nature is so much more.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

It's a Shitter, right?

Well humans, here we are. Part of me wants to blame American's for this but the rest of humanity has allowed us to get here. Another part of me wants one of these. I'm torn between being totally appalled and wishing it was more affordable ($6400.00).

Saturday, October 1, 2011


I'm ashamed to admit that I seem to have misplaced my Mojo. I haven't written anything of consequence in a couple of years. I've finally gotten comfortable enough to call myself a writer and now I can't seem to do it. I am in the midst of trying to force myself to write (for the umpteenth time!). It ain't workin'.

I have a novel planned out in my head and it's filled with people I like. Why aren't they talking to me? Why aren't they pushing me to tell the story? I depend on them. I need them.

Is it possible that they need me? Do I have to reach inside of my mind and pull something out? That's not the way it's worked to this point. The characters tell me what to write, not the other way around. Maybe now that I've hit middle age, I have to do things backwards.


Reach inside. Reach inside. Reach inside.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Tanya at 10:45pm on a Tuesday

So, I went to a video store last night. Sounds like a lie. Who the hell goes to video stores anymore? Well, I did it for old times' sake. I used to go there all the time, then...Netflix got me. I felt bad about not going and supporting the small business guy. I went, is what I'm trying to say. For some reason, I spent a long time there and somehow got involved in a conversation with the video store guy about how the American and European economies are faltering and the Chinese economy is prospering. What the hell? Anyway, the door opens and a lovely young woman walks in and hands the video guy her driver's license. He looks at it and asks her what she wants. She takes it back, staggers backwards, knocks over a stack of videos, burps, then staggers out the door onto the sidewalk. The video guy and I look questioningly at one another.

Damnit, I'm a father! I had to go out and care for this child. Two young men (in their mid 20's) were kinda corraling her. They were also kinda laughing at the drunk chick in the terribly short skirt and low cut top that was barely covering her upper torso. This is so how bad things happen. Tomorrow's headline - "...And She Was Sold As A Sex Slave In..." She lilted to the left, fell to the sidewalk, and rolled toward the street - busy street for a Tuesday night! I grabbed her and sat her on the curb. The two guys got a bit more serious. They told me that she had just been kicked out of a cab. There was vomit on her arm and her eyes were completely vacant. I asked her for her cell phone, which she couldn't produce. Great.
I asked her for her phone number. She gave me an area code that I'd never heard of, followed by not enough numbers to be a phone number. I asked for her address and she gave me the same not quite enough numbers. She handed me her driver's license, which had a Berkeley, CA address. I was born in Berkeley. It's about 400 miles away. At least I got her name. Let's call her Tanya. I had one of the guys go through her purse to find a phone. He practically dumped it out but no phone appeared. Again...great.

I didn't want to call the police but I knew the time had come. I stood out in the street, looking for a cop car. We were only three blocks from a police station but not police were in the vicinity. Great. I took out my phone to call them, when what did my eyes behold? Tanya pulled a phone out from God-knows-where. I asked her for it and she dropped it on the curb. I took it and called the last number that she called. It was her mom. Great!

I'm now talking to a woman who's beside herself with worry. She's in Berkeley, of course. She told me Tanya's address and asked me to take her home. Nope. I assured her that I would get her daughter home safely but I wasn't gonna put a 22 year old, insufficiently dressed, dead drunk girl in my car and take her anywhere. I called the next number on her phone and got her roommate. I gave her our location and began the "10 minute" wait for pick-up. Tanya threw up about nine gallons of mystery.

Tanya now finds her second wind and wants to go a-walkin'. And a-talkin'. I had to physically restrain her because her shoes were pointed toward the street. Sweet little drunkie poo didn't care for being cared for. Now, the racial epithets start getting hurled. "Take your hands off me, you f-ing"...well, you know. That lasted about eight loooong minutes. To the ignorant passerby, this didn't look kosher. The really awful thing about it was, maybe 15 people passed by and no one said a word. I was a man holding a scantily clad young woman while she screamed "let me go!" What a world.

20 minutes later, friends show up and whisk young Tanya away. I made sure to tell them to call her mom and give that poor woman some peace. I shake hands with the two guys. I hope for the teachable moment for them and her. Maybe they can all save someone else some day and pay it forward. Teachable moment, pay it forward - two new age cliches in one paragraph, yah!

Lovely party, thanks for coming!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Horse Shit!

You also need trust - money - honesty - security - commonality - commitment - and an enormous amount of patience. I'm sure I've forgotten several details necessary for love to occur.

The devil is in the details.

Monday, August 29, 2011

First Day of School

Today (8-29-11) is my son's first day of school. How the years pass. Seems like only yesterday that he was sitting on my lap watching "Sesame Street." Guess it really wasn't yesterday. At some point, everything good that happened in your life seems like yesterday. The bad stuff gets buried away and either never happened or happened a long long time ago. This short video seems like a long long long time ago. Guess it was. We were in the kitchen and he was reciting the tongue twisters, "She sells sea shells by the sea shore" and "One smart fellow, he felt smart". Try 'em yourself.
Today is his first day in college. I believe that I am an old man now. My youngest child is in college.